Never Again
by soph1098
Summary: Sam and Josh are having their first kids.
1. Chapter 1

Sam looked down at the test hoping for the results to show up sooner. Josh and Sam had been together for 2 years by then. For the last 2 months they had been trying for a kid. After a few moments it came up positive.

26 weeks later…

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Josh asked as he finished packing to go on a trip to Finland.

"I'll be fine its 11 weeks till the due date." Sam replied. He and Josh had picked out the names Noah Isaac and Sebastian Evan after much debate over what to name their second boy they'd agreed upon Sebastian.

"Okay fine." Josh said slightly annoyed by Sam's lack of concern when he was freaking out. 11 weeks was barely enough time to write a bill and they were expected to be ready for 2 living breathing beings who could cry. I mean they had the boy's nursery done. But they were scarcely done with that. About an hour after that Josh left for Finland. Sam went to bed but for some reason he couldn't. So he lay awake staring at the ceiling. All of the sudden he felt a sharp pain. Within second he knew what that meant. The way babies were delivered in carriers was their body would began to construct a birth canal which basically meant tearing a lot of skin to make room for the babies to you know come out. But against his better judgment he told himself it was nothing and not to call. Now if you ever were to ask Sam his top 3 stupidest decisions no.1 would be passing that pain off as pregnancy pains.

After about two hours he woke up to his first contraction or at least what he thought was a contraction. Upon instinct he called C.J.

"C.J. it's Sam I need you." He screamed loudly as another contraction racked his body.


	2. Chapter 2

About ten minutes later C.J. got to Sam and Josh's apartment. She found Sam waiting at the door. She immediately knew it was bad, Sam wasn't really a complainer. When they got to the hospital they led C.J. to a waiting room. They told her that Sam was being led back for an emergency c-section to deliver his twins. After a couple seconds of thought she headed outside to call people specifically Josh she knew that he couldn't lose Sam not now not ever.

"Josh its C.J." She said as Josh picked up his cell.

"Hey C.J. what's up?" He sort of asked.

"Josh, Sam's in labor they need to deliver the twins by c-section."

"What he's only 29 weeks along. Were just about to head out I'll be there soon."

About a minute later…

"Mr. President I can't go on the trip Sam's in labor." Josh said to the President.

"That's fine but Josh isn't he only 29 weeks along?" He asked. Josh just nodded they had been over the moon when they found out they were having twins. But immediately he knew one thing that was it was going to be a while before he could hold his boys.

About a half hour later…

Josh ran into the hospital his feet barely touching the floor C.J. had given him a brief description of where in the building the waiting room was because apparently no information was being given out on Sam. He entered the room and then he could only think one thing it was how many people have been told that a loved one is dead in this room.

"C.J. is he okay, are the boys okay." Josh sort of asked C.J. could see the worry in his eyes.

"The boys are born but other than that we don't know anything." C.J. responded. She knew that Toby and Leo were on their way. Donna was most likely right outside and on her way in. Josh just nodded and sank into a comically uncomfortable chair. He watched the door for a doctor to tell him that Sam was fine and that Sebastian and Noah were fine too. But he knew that it was an irrational hope.

"Umm is the father of the Seaborn twins here." A doctor asked.

"Yeah I'm here." Josh as the doctor motioned towards the door. Josh jumped up and fallowed. Right before they were in the NICU the doctor stopped.

"You have to understand your boys are small and on a ventilator so it might be scary but I can assure you this is normal for babies in the NICU. They just don't have fully formed lungs so they can't breathe on their own." He washed his hands and told Josh to do the same. The doctor pointed too two incubator next each other. Inside laid 2 baby boys with curly hair and a thousand tubes going out of them. But still Josh could not think of more adorable babies ever.

After a while a social worker came and told me that I need to fill out some paperwork. Basically he needed to fill out the remainder of the boy's birth certificates. He ended up naming the boy they were going to name Sebastian, Evan like Sam had wanted but Noah was still Noah Isaac. After that they said that Josh could go back to the NICU to see his boys.


	3. Chapter 3

Eventually Josh was able to drag himself away from Noah and Evan long enough to find out what was going on with Sam. Josh had been told half a dozen times that the boy had a good chance of survival but that didn't really put his mind at ease as much it was supposed to. As he entered the waiting room its somber tone intensified it was almost unreal. All Josh could think was what number am I… 100th, 200th, 1000th.

"Joshua I'm sorry but Sam didn't make it." C.J. said in a sullen tone. She places a hand on his shoulder hoping for some idle comfort but she knew it would provide none. He put his hands in his hands and cried this was a sound that no one but Leo had ever heard before. It surprised everyone greatly.

2 1/2 years later…

Last 2 years: Noah died after being alive for only 8 hours. Sam and Noah were buried in DC next to each other. Josh has been raising Evan as a single dad for the last 2 years. C.J. and Toby got married. I turns out that Sam had cancer which he kept from Josh in an effort to save Noah and Evan. This is the letter that Sam wrote for Toby.

Dear Toby,

When you read this is I will be dead. For that I'm truly sorry. You're my favorite author. I never told you because well I didn't want it to be sappy. I'm going to tell you something important that you might not know yet you love C.J. Cregg. One day you are going to marry her.

Thanks for everything,

Sam


	4. Chapter 4

Josh woke up to the sound of Evan yelling daddy, daddy. He dragged himself out of bed and for the first time in Evan's whole life he waited to read the letter. Why did it matter if he read it he had it memorized?

Dear Josh,

I love you more than life itself. Never forget that. But I wouldn't live and we wanted children so bad. You were so happy when I told you. Then 2 week I found out about my tumor and the 4% chance of survival. I just couldn't take that away from you. The reason I tried so hard for his name to be Evan was my mom always said that if she had got to my birth certificate first my name would be Evan not Sam. In some way I guess needed to know some version of me would be out there. Josh I know you love me and I love you too but you have my permission to be happy. Don't mourn me forever. I know will so in the boys' letter for their 13th birthday I gave them permission to bug you if they don't think you're happy or getting over me.

Yours forever,

Sam

Josh needed to read his last hope because as long he lived he would never love anyone as much as Sam. It was the only thing he could say for sure anymore.


End file.
